i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
