Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
