we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
