I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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