i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
