forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
