I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
