I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
