I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i think i just lost a toe
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize