Where did you get a picture of my penis
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
