apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
