Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
