Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
