I want to walk on stilts...naked
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
