It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
