he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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