Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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