In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He told me they were just razor bumps!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
