we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
