That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
