tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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