sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize