how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
