I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
