You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
