And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
