fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
