im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
