More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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