my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
