I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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