So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
