I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
