...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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