FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
