Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
