The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
