He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
