Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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