I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He shit in the fireplace
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
