More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
