In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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