We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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