Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
