Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
