kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
