I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
