I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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