i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
