I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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