he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
