There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
They have beer where we have blood.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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