Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
