I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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