You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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