What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
