put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
