i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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