I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
