my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
