Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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