I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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