he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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