gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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