Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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