i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
