are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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