I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We are all done wearing pants today
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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