Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
