Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
