The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I love having hate sex.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
