Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize