Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
