At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
