Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have demons in me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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