I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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