okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
