He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
