Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
