ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
