I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
