You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize