she looked like the before picture.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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