i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
