...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
