the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
