taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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