feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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