i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
