mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
