Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
