Well apparently he's into motor boating.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize