my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
