would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It was a blind-side dick pic.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
