i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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