I want to walk on stilts...naked
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
